My hope was zero

Today was our first day back in Phnom Penh, and we went around learning about the countries history. From 1975-1979, the Khmer Rouge was in power in Cambodia. They overthrew the government, and killed about 3 million people. If you want to know more about the history, I would encourage you to go online and check it out. I'm definitely not a history buff, and I don't have all the details by any means. 

What I do know is this: I went to one of the "concentration camps" and one of the killing fields. And I'm going to share with you some of the pictures I took. If you have a light stomach, or are prone to letting extremely tough situations get the best of you, I would suggest you click the back button now.

These are the rules that were in effect at S21 (the high school turned concentration camp) 

This is just one of the boards picturing some of the prisoners and victims of S21.

They took the walls down so they could utilize the space, but you can see how small the cells were. Prisoners were in those cells 24/7 if they weren't being interrogated. The cells are 3x6 feet with one bucket for feces and one for urine. If they spilled anything on the he ground, they had to lick it up. Take a moment to let the inhumanity of that sink in...

 

This is Bou Meng. He's one of the 7 survivors of S21. He was taken to the camp when he was 35, and lost his wife there. His 2 children were also killed. He was kept alive because he was a great painter, and did some paintings of Pol Pot. Apparently Pol Pot had a tumor on his neck, but wanted pictures without it. Bou Meng was the one to do that painting. 

This is Chum Mey. He's another one of the 7 survivors of S21. He was kept alive because he was a mechanic, and was of use to the Khmer Rouge. However, he was tortured for information, and showed us his big toe that had the nail ripped out with pliers during his interrogation. It has since grown back, but doesn't look normal. And I didn't think to take a picture until his sandal was back on...but you get the idea. 

Next came the killing fields. Where there are mass graves and sights of ungodly things. I'm very serious when I say that if you have a light stomach, you don't want to continue. I will put Pictures of some hard stuff... 

I won't put explanation for many of these pics, but the one below is interesting. It's bones and clothing that are just now surfacing. That means that they haven't found all the remains of the people killed in this area. 

And this is where my title came from. There was a quote posted on the wall from Bou Meng, that was talking about what all happened. Describing the terrible things that happened in S21. The last line said "my hope was zero." That hit me so hard. It's one thing to think about the physical pain that these people went through. It's a whole other thing to think about the mindset they must have had during that time. When there is no hope, no promise of a future, no reason to live...you must begin to wish you would just die during an interrogation time. I can't even imagine. To me, those 4 words create a profound statement. 

But to end the day, I get to debrief with my team, process all the information, and sit down to read Gods word. If it wasn't for those things, MY hope would be zero. I feel so blessed to have a fiancé that knew what was ahead for me, and planned accordingly. Before I left, he filmed himself reading through the book of John, with some commentary as well. It's broken up into chapters, so I can do as many or as little as I want per day. How lucky can I be?! Even with 8,000 miles between us and a 14 hour time difference, I get to read my favorite book with my favorite guy. (If we're honest, he's in competition with my dad...but I reserve the right to love them in different ways 😊) 

This is the perfect ending to a horrific day: 

Wat did you expect?

Of course we had to go to Angkor Wat!!

I don't have a whole lot to say about today's adventures, but I have a lot of pictures to show instead. I will say this though: I wish Christians took this much pride in our God, and put this much effort into showing the rest of the world what He means to us. 

We will be traveling to Phnom Penh tomorrow by way of bus. Please be praying for safe and quick travels! This coming week is going to be crazy emotional, and I know our team needs some self care time to get ready to serve our hearts out! Please be praying that we're able to continue giving 110%

Love you all! 

God bless 

Xo

I'm glad God has big hands

Aren't you glad God has big hands?

John chapter 10 focuses a lot on how Jesus was/is the good Shepard. But I remember being in AWANA as a kid, and learning this passage:

John 10:28-30

But you do not believe because you are not among my sheep. My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch them out of the Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.

I remember practicing that verse in there car with my mom one day. I think she said something like "God must have pretty big hands, huh?" 

I feel so blessed to have had the upbringing I had. Christian family, going to church every week, having conversations about God. I am one of Jesus' sheep. I know him, and he knows me! Does anything get cooler than that? Well, yes actually. I get eternal life where I get to praise him forever. Oh, and also, I dwell in the hands of God. And NO ONE is able to snatch you from the Fathers hands. I love that so much. 

I'm SO grateful that our Lord and Savior chooses to protect us in that way. No one can ever take us away from Him once we belong to Him. Not even ourselves. 

Prayer requests: 

- Everyone we have met so far on this trip. The pastors and leaders, that they would be encouraged and motivated to continue doing their great work. The kids, that they would let the word of God resonate in their hearts. 

- That our teams health would make a comeback. I know we are able to serve so much more efficiently as a whole team. And when you feel good, you naturally serve better.

- Team attitudes. Just that we would continue working together, and have 110% unity for the rest of our trip. 

- That God would use us as His vessels. That we would exceed our comfort levels, outserve others, and be a blessing to those we're trying to encourage. 

The blind will see

John 9 begins with a story about Jesus encountering a man who was born blind. The disciples asked him "who sinned that this man was born blind? Himself or his parents?" Jesus replied "It was not that this man sinned. Nor his parents. But that the works of God might be displayed in him." Sometimes things don't happen for a reason we can pinpoint. Sometimes things happen, so God can show up in the situation. As humans, we have a difficult time believing in what we can't see. I don't care who you are...at some point, you've struggled with the question "What if I'm wrong...?" And the answer I always come back to when I have those questions in my head is this: There is no way I would have made it through certain things in my life if Jesus wasn't there beside me every step way. If I didn't have the joy from the Holy Spirit. There's no way I'm wrong about this. God is very real. His judgement is very real. But his joy, hope, and love are very real as well. And I find encouragement in that. 

But what I wanted to get to is this. In verse 5, Jesus says "As long as I'm in the world, I am the light of the world." I love that he started that statement the way he did. "As long as I'm in the world...."  He was the light! He did great works. He healed this blind man! As you continue this story, you see that the Pharisees are pretty angry  about this work being done. They asked the man how he was healed, and he told them the whole story about how the man made mud with his spit, and sent him to the river (that translates to the word "Sent" by the way) and now he could see! Well, the Pharisees weren't on board with this. You see, it was the Sabbath, and no one was supposed to work on the Sabbath...therefore, this man couldn't be from God. Then there were others that didn't believe this was the man that had been blind in the first place, so they called his parents to testify. They claimed that he was their son, who had been blind his whole life. They then asked his parents for details, to which they responded in an interesting way. "As him, for he is of age." They knew they would be kicked out of the synagogue if they testified. So they shyed away from it all together, and pushed the pressure back onto their son. I can only imagine the shame that would surround being sent out of the synagogue...that's excommunication! When they asked the man again, he explained the story again and then began to preach a little bit. Let's read: 

So for the second time they called the man who had been blind and said to him, “Give glory to God. We know that this man is a sinner.” He answered, “Whether he is a sinner I do not know. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.” They said to him, “What did he do to you? How did he open your eyes?” He answered them, “I have told you already, and you would not listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you also want to become his disciples?” And they reviled him, saying, “You are his disciple, but we are disciples of Moses. We know that God has spoken to Moses, but as for this man, we do not know where he comes from.” The man answered, “Why, this is an amazing thing! You do not know where he comes from, and yet he opened my eyes. We know that God does not listen to sinners, but if anyone is a worshiper of God and does his will, God listens to him. Never since the world began has it been heard that anyone opened the eyes of a man born blind. If this man were not from God, he could do nothing.” They answered him, “You were born in utter sin, and would you teach us?” And they cast him out. (John 9:24-34 ESV)

They cast him out because he told the truth! But have no fear....Jesus is bigger than all this nonsense. 

Jesus heard that they had cast him out, and having found him he said, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” He answered, “And who is he, sir, that I may believe in him?” Jesus said to him, “You have seen him, and it is he who is speaking to you.” He said, “Lord, I believe,” and he worshiped him. Jesus said, “For judgment I came into this world, that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind.” Some of the Pharisees near him heard these things, and said to him, “Are we also blind?” Jesus said to them, “If you were blind, you would have no guilt; but now that you say, ‘We see,’ your guilt remains. (John 9:35-41 ESV)

This is just so great. I love it when Jesus lays the smack down! 

My main thought today is this: when Jesus was here on earth, he was the light of the world. Now he's gone, and that responsibility is left for us. I went to a school who's mascot is the "beacon." We literally take pride in being lights. Here in Cambodia, our saying is "light the darkness." I want to be a light in this dark world! There's darkness in these states. There's definitely darkness here. There's darkness everywhere we look. I pray that everyone reading this commits to being a light in the darkness. That's what we've been left here to do. Let's seek and save the lost!! (Or at least seek them. Let's let Jesus do the saving). 

 One last thought for this post. I was talking to some people on the van ride today about how cool it is to see mine and Lars' life verses side by side. It's awesome to see how much they fit our goals in life. 

Mine is Galatians 2:20 that says 

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. 

Lars' is Colossians 1:28 

Him we proclaim, warning everyone and teaching everyone with all wisdom, that we may present everyone mature in Christ.

I like to put them together this way: 

We have been crucified with Christ. It's no longer we who live, but Christ lives through us. We proclaim Him, using our lives to warn and teach everyone with all wisdom. The life we now live in the flesh, we live by faith in the Son of God, that we may present everyone mature in Christ. For He loved us and gave himself for us. 

That mashup of verses is what gives me motivation. Together, Lars and I work to live that out. But while I here without him, I'm working on furthering the kingdom and showing that combination through my actions. 

Please continue praying for the things I've been posting. I've definitely been feeling the power of prayer since I've been here. Thank you!!!

God bless. 

Xo

John 8 observations

Verses 1-11. Wow. 

but Jesus went to the Mount of Olives. Early in the morning he came again to the temple. All the people came to him, and he sat down and taught them. The scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery, and placing her in the midst they said to him, “Teacher, this woman has been caught in the act of adultery. Now in the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” This they said to test him, that they might have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and wrote with his finger on the ground. And as they continued to ask him, he stood up and said to them, “Let him who is without sin among you be the first to throw a stone at her.” And once more he bent down and wrote on the ground. But when they heard it, they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.” ]] 

I'm amazed at the way Jesus performed some of his miracles. Some people might not consider this one of his miracles, but I do. Let me explain: it doesn't seem like anything "supernatural" happened here, but I have a different perspective. I'm immersed in a culture that seems very similar to the one this woman was in. Culture is everything! This woman was caught in the act of adultery. She should be stoned by every cultural law and rule in the book. But Jesus shows up and changes the whole situation. He stands up to the crowd and says "Aright, listen up. Let the one who has never let their flesh, desires, or other sins consume them be the first to throw a stone." Well, whatdya know. No one is able to throw a stone. And then he pulls the most awesome move of all time. He stands up and says  "Oh....no one threw a stone?" Don't you love his subtle humor? I find this totally humorous! JESUS (the king of the world, in case you forgot) stands up from the dirt, looks at the woman he knew well and sure wouldn't be stoned, and asks an obvious question. Oh....no one was able to throw that first stone, huh? They all left? Cool. And then he sets her free for good "I don't condemn you either. I've never sinned in my life, but I won't be throwing any stones. You're sins are forgiven. Now stop messing around, and spread the gospel!" 

I think this is a way we can show people that were followers (imitators) of Christ. When someone is facing a time of oppression or discouragement, we can stand up to those around them and say "Hey, those of you that have never come across something like this are more than welcome to bash this person. Otherwise, back off!" Jesus protected the woman. Not because she deserved protection. Not because she begged for it. But because he came to save and not condemn. Because showing her mercy did more for the kingdom of heaven. She was now able to go out and spread the word that there is a savior that saves! I just love that. 

But the chapter doesn't stop being awesome there. I encourage you to read the rest of the chapter for yourself, and let it speak to you as The Lord wills. I know I was crazy encouraged by it. 

Thanks for bearing with me! I hope you were as encouraged by this passage as I was. 

God bless 

Xo 

I stand amazed at the throne of God

I don't know how else to put my thoughts into words today. It's as simple at this: God is rocking my world big time. He's putting opportunities out that steal my attention. Stories that break my heart. Encouraging stories about watching prayer work. And all I can think is, "God is in this place." I am completely standing before the throne of God in amazement. 

We were blessed to be able to go to Blossom Cafe today, which is an awesome NGO that is doing great work in Siem Reap. Our friends Matthew and Melissa Stock are heading it up, and had some really empowering stories to share with us. You know they're doing a great job when you see Blossom in the #2 slot on trip advisor!! God is definitely moving in that place, and it was a great encouragement to hear success stories from them. 

As the trip goes on, there will be more and more that I won't be able to share with you my means of a public forum. That's solely for the anonymity and safety of certain people. Not because I get lazy in my blogging! I will, however, continue posting prayer requests, because I know how powerful prayer is. We've been feeling it. Thank you for supporting us in that way!

Prayer requests from today: 

- That Blossom Cafe would continue improving and that God would bless their work. 

- Please pray for the Stocks. They have given up all the comforts of the US to be here and serve The Lord, and are such an inspiration to me. I would just like to lift up extra prayers for them (i know they have a team of prayer warriors that they send specific things to. For mine, I would just ask that God continues to uplift and encourage them)

- For the team. As the trip becomes less physically straining and more emotionally straining, we are going to need prayer for a smooth transition and the ability to be honest with each other about what's breaking our hearts. 

Thanks for being with us in prayer! We are so blessed. 

God bless 

Xo

Reflections thus far

Last night at our debrief, the question was "what will take with you from Battambang?" While I was thinking about what I was going to answer, a lot of things crossed my mind. 

1. While we were in Battambang, I met more giving people than ever before. You ask them where you could find mangoes, and they tell you they'll just get you some and bring them to you next time they see you. You compliment someone on their bracelet, and they take it off and put it on you. I don't think I've ever met an American that does things like that. 

2. The people are also super selfless. They look out for others as the #1. If you're walking around a temple and get super hot but have run out of water, they will hand you their water bottle. When you say "but then you'll be thirsty!" They resond with "that's okay....drink!" They know they're going to be thirsty. But they're giving up their comfort for yours.

3. The people we met in Battambang were extremely patient people (which someone else actually said in our debrief, so you know it's true!). Almost every van ride around the provinces, I was asking some Khmer people how to say different things. And just as soon as they would work with me to get that phrase down, I would be asking about different words. This went on for hours every day. I butchered their language every time, too. Imagine someone riding in your car for a 3 hour ride, and they're trying to learn English. They ask you how to say "truck". And you tell them. You pronounce it. You pronounce it 5 more times. They try and say a bad word that rhymes with truck instead. (This is something that happened to me when I was trying to learn Khmer). Yikes! I can imagine myself laughing my head off and giving up on them ever learning. But these people don't do that. They keep going, keep going, keep going. They didnt get frustrated. They didn't give up on me. And when I got a phrase right, they would say "Yes! You're so clever!" That's something that totally amazes me.

4. They are so content with so little. I don't know how to expand on that, really. They're just grateful for everything they have and you never hear them complaining. 

5. When we asked pastors at the house churches what we could pray for, their first thought was for the community around them, or the kids that come. Then after some prodding, they tell you what prayer requests they have for themselves. Expanding the church and bringing people to Christ is their first priority. More so than themselves. 

There are so many other things I saw while I was in Battambang, but those are the top 5. 

Now were on our way to Siem Reap by way of boat, and are having quite the experience. If you've ever been on the Jungle Cruise at Disneyland, get that image in your head. That's exactly the type of boat were on, except ours is a little skinnier. Then think about putting 34 people into that boat + all their luggage. It's CRAMMED. But the scenery is great, and it's a great lens to see culture through.

It was definitely an interesting ride, but it provided a lot of time for prayer, reading, and conversation. 

Please keep praying for our team and the prayer requests I've already posted. But especially be praying for our time in Siem Reap. That's where we will send our next week. 

God bless 

Xo

Jesus is so cool

As you know, I've been reading through the book of John while I've been here. I just got to chapter 6 today (some days it's a real struggle to stay awake long enough to read and comprehend....and other days I read things other than John). I love what I found about half way through the chapter. It's talking about how the disciples had been rowing for 3 or 4 miles in a storm when they saw Jesus walking towards them. On the water! But it gets cooler. He gets in the boat and says "It is I. Do not be afraid." Verse 21 is the one that absolutely amazes me. It says "then they were glad to take him into the boat, and IMMEDIATELY  there boat was at the land to which they were going." What?! That is insane. These guys have been rowing their boat. It's not a sail boat. It's not a motorboat. It's more like a canoe. These men are laboring for miles! Rowing and Rowing to get to their next destination in the middle of a harsh storm. And all of a sudden some guy starts wandering over to their boat. Walking nonchalantly on top of the water, breaking all laws of physics and gravity. And he says "It's Jesus, let me on." So they do. And then suddenly they're at their destination. It doesn't say that the storm stops and they have an easier time rowing. No. They are at the land they were shooting for. Just because Jesus showed up. 

I wonder if it's the same in our lives. There are storms. We're working so hard just trying to stay afloat. We're exhausted, and we're not even really getting all that far from the situation. But then Jesus shows up and tells us to let him into our hearts. If we choose to do so, he has power to drastically change things. Suddenly (more or less) make us into the people we were meant to be in the first place. And it becomes a way easier task. 

That's something I hope I'm able to convey to the people I meet here. All they have to do is let Jesus in. He's willing to do the work. To carry our load, because he knows it's too much for us on our own. These people especially could use that idea and hope. 

Prayer requests:

- The people we have met in Battambang. We leave tomorrow, and leave them here to continue the ministry. Pray for them to keep on keeping on, and not lose heart. 

- The boat ride we have tomorrow. We will be on a small boat for about 8 hours traveling to Siem Reap. Please pray for safe travels and a good attitude from the team. 

- The communities around the house churches we visited this week. They need to have their eyes and ears opened to Christ. Please pray that they would soften their hearts and find The Lord. 

- The teams safety and health to continue. We're doing great so far! 

- Nicole and I to figure out our curriculum for our extended stay / English teaching. We'll be working on figuring that out in Siem Reap. 

- My homesickness. Just in the last day or so, I've started experiencing what I think people call homesickness. I'm missing my family and fiancé. I know I'm blessed to be here, and I'm having a great time, but it don't get enough time to talk to my family about what all is going on, and that's starting to get pretty tough. 

Thank you, prayer warriors!

God bless.

Xo

A smile is universal

Over the last few days, I've been pretty convicted. I always tend to feel like I can't do a lot with the people here, because we can't communicate. So before we started our trip this year, I prayed a lot that God would help me overcome my uncertainty and just give 110%. It's been amazing!! Even when the kids have no idea what I'm trying to say, a smile seems to do the trick. They trust everyone with a smile. And they smile back! They sit on your lap and sing you songs if you're willing to just offer a view of your teeth. Smiles go beyond the language barrier. 

The house church visits have been amazing. The kids are great, the art projects are a huge hit, and the games are a blast. At one of the last churches we went to, a ton of kids sat by me and had me write their names on their art projects. It was quite the ordeal to try and decipher what they were saying so I could write it down for them. So precious. 

The games are always a huge hit with Khmer kids (and all kids for that matter). It. Doesn't take much to get them involved and excited about playing!

This girl was just so cute!! Teaching the younger ones how to write. She was incredibly smart and patient.

Today (Sunday) we went to HBI for church and lunch. It seemed like everyone had been waiting for us forever. It was all so great. The kids are SO CUTE!!

 This boy wanted a lot of pictures taken!

And of course, it wouldn't be HBI lunch without some new type of food. No insects or frogs this time, just some small type of bird. It tasted really good, it just looked too interesting not to photograph!

And curry of course.

Ill get back on later to blog about what I've been reading and learning lately and give you some prayer requests. Right now it's time to go out to another house church!

Love you all.  God bless.