Every morning I see my husband cheating on me.
I wake up earlier than Lars, but as I'm up and around getting ready for work, his alarms go off. And then, as I walk around the apartment gathering things for my day, I see it. I see him totally engaged with somebody else. He is completely tuned out from our little world of marriage, because he's so engrossed with them. He doesn't hear my blending my morning smoothie because he's totally out of it. Sometimes it makes me a little bitter, and other times it makes me the happiest woman in the world. My husband is cheating.
But before you get fired up, let me explain.
The person my husband is "cheating" with is GOD. Gotcha ;-)
But the rest is all true! For the last few months, Lars has been really committed to spending quiet quality time with God to start his day. As I'm fumbling around the apartment trying to get ready for work, I see him out on the balcony: Bible open, journal out, eyes either closed or contemplative. He is devoting precious time in the morning to sit with God and admire all He has done. Some days he journals the whole time; other days he just sits quietly and still. I so wish I could hear his thoughts during those times. I desperately want to know what those prayers are. But I praise God that I don't. Lars and I have an open and honest relationship, and talk often about what's weighing on our hearts and what we need to be praying for in our lives. But there's a part of me that knows he has things on his heart that he couldn't express to me if he tried. Things that are between him and Christ that I have no business in to begin with. And I'm grateful that he takes the time to converse with God about those things. He schedules in quiet time with our Creator so that he can be a better man, a better son, a better minister, and a better husband.
As I look back on our first year of marriage, I can see that the past few months have been the best ones. We have prayed more, laughed more, and had more great adventures. Together, we have grown not only closer to each other, but closer to God.
So I don't mind that my husband is a big fat cheater! Because I'm cheating with the same person. And you know what? It's making our marriage so much better.
College Life
Monday, March 7, 2016
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
In case of emergency...
I'm a ministry wife. With that title comes great responsibility that I never thought about before becoming one. Lars works with the teens at our church, and I thought that's pretty much what it was - LARS working with the teens at our church. But, as it turns out, when your husband is in the ministry so are you. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, though. I get to be in the teen class and listen to my amazingly talented husband teach them. I also get to talk to the kids about their lives, attend sporting events, have dinner with the families, and do my best to connect with the girls in the group on a deeper level.
As any ministry wife could tell you, it's hard. It's exhausting to have to be "on" every Sunday just because your husband is the youth pastor. But even more than that, it's kind of stressful. I mean, the girls in the group look to me for advice and example. To prepare for this kind of work day is a little hectic when I have my own job throughout the week. Lars and I talk a lot about what my role should look like and how I can take it on in different ways, but we're still far from figuring it all out.
But even more than the stress the ministry causes me, it causes stress for him too. I can only imagine what he feels; I have 23 children in my classroom and I lose sleep over their learning, their home lives, and their wellbeing. I cannot imagine being responsible for 20+ souls of teens. My husband's job is basically to help these kids find and treasure Jesus. And on top of all of that he needs to keep learning new things so he can be better and better at his job...which means he starts a Masters program! And then on top of THAT, he attends conferences where he can listen to keynoters and network with other ministry workers around the country. It's exhausting just to listen about his day.
Enter Children's Pastors Conference 2016. Speaker: Albert Tate.
"In case of emergency, an airbag will drop from the compartment above you. Please put your mask on first before assisting others."
We all know the spiel..if you've ever flown, you know that you hear that message before every flight. It doesn't take much thought to realize why this is such sound advice. If I can't breath, I'm not going to be much help to the person next to me...but do we often think about this when it comes to our spiritual walks?
Albert Tate was talking about this in terms of people in ministry. Can you be effective in showing others the light of Jesus if you've lost it yourself? Can you give meaningful devotionals if you never read the Bible for your own personal walk? Can you honestly tell me that you can show up every Sunday morning and teach if you aren't walking day in and day out with the Lord? You can't.
The whole 45 minutes the man was talking, I was taking notes like crazy. One of my biggest responsibilities as a ministry wife is taking care of my husband. This is more than just making dinner and keeping the house clean. I have the responsibility to keep my husband spiritually fed. I know what you're thinking: "It's his job to be the spiritual leader of our household." I agree with you. And he is! But sometimes I need to step in and (lovingly) say to my husband: "We're off track and we need to do something differently. We need to read our Bibles together and talk about Jesus more regularly." I don't know about the other wives reading this, but that is not something that comes naturally to me. We have so much going on in our every day lives, I don't ever have time to stop and think about encouraging my husband to lead me more. But I have to. I need to get my oxygen supply on my face and then look my husband in the eye and help him put his on. If I am going to be the wife God has called me to be, I need to give Lars that support. I have to make time in our day to make these things happen, otherwise he is going to sizzle out of his ministry because he will slowly but surely run out of oxygen.
Being a ministry wife is so much more than stressing about the example I set for the teens at our church. It means that I am held to a higher standard even with my husband. I'm still learning how to support him better and make sure he has the air he needs. But I encourage you wives to join me on the journey even if you're not a ministry wife. Our men have so much to do, and sometimes the last thing they have energy for is leading us. We need to ensure they have what they need to be the men they've been called to be. And for the men reading this, I encourage you to think about this as well. You need YOUR air supply before leading your wives and children to Christ. You cannot effectively complete the arduous task set before you if you aren't linked up with Him 24/7. Ask your wife for help with this if you need to; that's what we're here for.
As any ministry wife could tell you, it's hard. It's exhausting to have to be "on" every Sunday just because your husband is the youth pastor. But even more than that, it's kind of stressful. I mean, the girls in the group look to me for advice and example. To prepare for this kind of work day is a little hectic when I have my own job throughout the week. Lars and I talk a lot about what my role should look like and how I can take it on in different ways, but we're still far from figuring it all out.
But even more than the stress the ministry causes me, it causes stress for him too. I can only imagine what he feels; I have 23 children in my classroom and I lose sleep over their learning, their home lives, and their wellbeing. I cannot imagine being responsible for 20+ souls of teens. My husband's job is basically to help these kids find and treasure Jesus. And on top of all of that he needs to keep learning new things so he can be better and better at his job...which means he starts a Masters program! And then on top of THAT, he attends conferences where he can listen to keynoters and network with other ministry workers around the country. It's exhausting just to listen about his day.
Enter Children's Pastors Conference 2016. Speaker: Albert Tate.
"In case of emergency, an airbag will drop from the compartment above you. Please put your mask on first before assisting others."
We all know the spiel..if you've ever flown, you know that you hear that message before every flight. It doesn't take much thought to realize why this is such sound advice. If I can't breath, I'm not going to be much help to the person next to me...but do we often think about this when it comes to our spiritual walks?
Albert Tate was talking about this in terms of people in ministry. Can you be effective in showing others the light of Jesus if you've lost it yourself? Can you give meaningful devotionals if you never read the Bible for your own personal walk? Can you honestly tell me that you can show up every Sunday morning and teach if you aren't walking day in and day out with the Lord? You can't.
The whole 45 minutes the man was talking, I was taking notes like crazy. One of my biggest responsibilities as a ministry wife is taking care of my husband. This is more than just making dinner and keeping the house clean. I have the responsibility to keep my husband spiritually fed. I know what you're thinking: "It's his job to be the spiritual leader of our household." I agree with you. And he is! But sometimes I need to step in and (lovingly) say to my husband: "We're off track and we need to do something differently. We need to read our Bibles together and talk about Jesus more regularly." I don't know about the other wives reading this, but that is not something that comes naturally to me. We have so much going on in our every day lives, I don't ever have time to stop and think about encouraging my husband to lead me more. But I have to. I need to get my oxygen supply on my face and then look my husband in the eye and help him put his on. If I am going to be the wife God has called me to be, I need to give Lars that support. I have to make time in our day to make these things happen, otherwise he is going to sizzle out of his ministry because he will slowly but surely run out of oxygen.
Being a ministry wife is so much more than stressing about the example I set for the teens at our church. It means that I am held to a higher standard even with my husband. I'm still learning how to support him better and make sure he has the air he needs. But I encourage you wives to join me on the journey even if you're not a ministry wife. Our men have so much to do, and sometimes the last thing they have energy for is leading us. We need to ensure they have what they need to be the men they've been called to be. And for the men reading this, I encourage you to think about this as well. You need YOUR air supply before leading your wives and children to Christ. You cannot effectively complete the arduous task set before you if you aren't linked up with Him 24/7. Ask your wife for help with this if you need to; that's what we're here for.
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