Every morning I see my husband cheating on me.
I wake up earlier than Lars, but as I'm up and around getting ready for work, his alarms go off. And then, as I walk around the apartment gathering things for my day, I see it. I see him totally engaged with somebody else. He is completely tuned out from our little world of marriage, because he's so engrossed with them. He doesn't hear my blending my morning smoothie because he's totally out of it. Sometimes it makes me a little bitter, and other times it makes me the happiest woman in the world. My husband is cheating.
But before you get fired up, let me explain.
The person my husband is "cheating" with is GOD. Gotcha ;-)
But the rest is all true! For the last few months, Lars has been really committed to spending quiet quality time with God to start his day. As I'm fumbling around the apartment trying to get ready for work, I see him out on the balcony: Bible open, journal out, eyes either closed or contemplative. He is devoting precious time in the morning to sit with God and admire all He has done. Some days he journals the whole time; other days he just sits quietly and still. I so wish I could hear his thoughts during those times. I desperately want to know what those prayers are. But I praise God that I don't. Lars and I have an open and honest relationship, and talk often about what's weighing on our hearts and what we need to be praying for in our lives. But there's a part of me that knows he has things on his heart that he couldn't express to me if he tried. Things that are between him and Christ that I have no business in to begin with. And I'm grateful that he takes the time to converse with God about those things. He schedules in quiet time with our Creator so that he can be a better man, a better son, a better minister, and a better husband.
As I look back on our first year of marriage, I can see that the past few months have been the best ones. We have prayed more, laughed more, and had more great adventures. Together, we have grown not only closer to each other, but closer to God.
So I don't mind that my husband is a big fat cheater! Because I'm cheating with the same person. And you know what? It's making our marriage so much better.
College Life
Monday, March 7, 2016
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
In case of emergency...
I'm a ministry wife. With that title comes great responsibility that I never thought about before becoming one. Lars works with the teens at our church, and I thought that's pretty much what it was - LARS working with the teens at our church. But, as it turns out, when your husband is in the ministry so are you. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, though. I get to be in the teen class and listen to my amazingly talented husband teach them. I also get to talk to the kids about their lives, attend sporting events, have dinner with the families, and do my best to connect with the girls in the group on a deeper level.
As any ministry wife could tell you, it's hard. It's exhausting to have to be "on" every Sunday just because your husband is the youth pastor. But even more than that, it's kind of stressful. I mean, the girls in the group look to me for advice and example. To prepare for this kind of work day is a little hectic when I have my own job throughout the week. Lars and I talk a lot about what my role should look like and how I can take it on in different ways, but we're still far from figuring it all out.
But even more than the stress the ministry causes me, it causes stress for him too. I can only imagine what he feels; I have 23 children in my classroom and I lose sleep over their learning, their home lives, and their wellbeing. I cannot imagine being responsible for 20+ souls of teens. My husband's job is basically to help these kids find and treasure Jesus. And on top of all of that he needs to keep learning new things so he can be better and better at his job...which means he starts a Masters program! And then on top of THAT, he attends conferences where he can listen to keynoters and network with other ministry workers around the country. It's exhausting just to listen about his day.
Enter Children's Pastors Conference 2016. Speaker: Albert Tate.
"In case of emergency, an airbag will drop from the compartment above you. Please put your mask on first before assisting others."
We all know the spiel..if you've ever flown, you know that you hear that message before every flight. It doesn't take much thought to realize why this is such sound advice. If I can't breath, I'm not going to be much help to the person next to me...but do we often think about this when it comes to our spiritual walks?
Albert Tate was talking about this in terms of people in ministry. Can you be effective in showing others the light of Jesus if you've lost it yourself? Can you give meaningful devotionals if you never read the Bible for your own personal walk? Can you honestly tell me that you can show up every Sunday morning and teach if you aren't walking day in and day out with the Lord? You can't.
The whole 45 minutes the man was talking, I was taking notes like crazy. One of my biggest responsibilities as a ministry wife is taking care of my husband. This is more than just making dinner and keeping the house clean. I have the responsibility to keep my husband spiritually fed. I know what you're thinking: "It's his job to be the spiritual leader of our household." I agree with you. And he is! But sometimes I need to step in and (lovingly) say to my husband: "We're off track and we need to do something differently. We need to read our Bibles together and talk about Jesus more regularly." I don't know about the other wives reading this, but that is not something that comes naturally to me. We have so much going on in our every day lives, I don't ever have time to stop and think about encouraging my husband to lead me more. But I have to. I need to get my oxygen supply on my face and then look my husband in the eye and help him put his on. If I am going to be the wife God has called me to be, I need to give Lars that support. I have to make time in our day to make these things happen, otherwise he is going to sizzle out of his ministry because he will slowly but surely run out of oxygen.
Being a ministry wife is so much more than stressing about the example I set for the teens at our church. It means that I am held to a higher standard even with my husband. I'm still learning how to support him better and make sure he has the air he needs. But I encourage you wives to join me on the journey even if you're not a ministry wife. Our men have so much to do, and sometimes the last thing they have energy for is leading us. We need to ensure they have what they need to be the men they've been called to be. And for the men reading this, I encourage you to think about this as well. You need YOUR air supply before leading your wives and children to Christ. You cannot effectively complete the arduous task set before you if you aren't linked up with Him 24/7. Ask your wife for help with this if you need to; that's what we're here for.
As any ministry wife could tell you, it's hard. It's exhausting to have to be "on" every Sunday just because your husband is the youth pastor. But even more than that, it's kind of stressful. I mean, the girls in the group look to me for advice and example. To prepare for this kind of work day is a little hectic when I have my own job throughout the week. Lars and I talk a lot about what my role should look like and how I can take it on in different ways, but we're still far from figuring it all out.
But even more than the stress the ministry causes me, it causes stress for him too. I can only imagine what he feels; I have 23 children in my classroom and I lose sleep over their learning, their home lives, and their wellbeing. I cannot imagine being responsible for 20+ souls of teens. My husband's job is basically to help these kids find and treasure Jesus. And on top of all of that he needs to keep learning new things so he can be better and better at his job...which means he starts a Masters program! And then on top of THAT, he attends conferences where he can listen to keynoters and network with other ministry workers around the country. It's exhausting just to listen about his day.
Enter Children's Pastors Conference 2016. Speaker: Albert Tate.
"In case of emergency, an airbag will drop from the compartment above you. Please put your mask on first before assisting others."
We all know the spiel..if you've ever flown, you know that you hear that message before every flight. It doesn't take much thought to realize why this is such sound advice. If I can't breath, I'm not going to be much help to the person next to me...but do we often think about this when it comes to our spiritual walks?
Albert Tate was talking about this in terms of people in ministry. Can you be effective in showing others the light of Jesus if you've lost it yourself? Can you give meaningful devotionals if you never read the Bible for your own personal walk? Can you honestly tell me that you can show up every Sunday morning and teach if you aren't walking day in and day out with the Lord? You can't.
The whole 45 minutes the man was talking, I was taking notes like crazy. One of my biggest responsibilities as a ministry wife is taking care of my husband. This is more than just making dinner and keeping the house clean. I have the responsibility to keep my husband spiritually fed. I know what you're thinking: "It's his job to be the spiritual leader of our household." I agree with you. And he is! But sometimes I need to step in and (lovingly) say to my husband: "We're off track and we need to do something differently. We need to read our Bibles together and talk about Jesus more regularly." I don't know about the other wives reading this, but that is not something that comes naturally to me. We have so much going on in our every day lives, I don't ever have time to stop and think about encouraging my husband to lead me more. But I have to. I need to get my oxygen supply on my face and then look my husband in the eye and help him put his on. If I am going to be the wife God has called me to be, I need to give Lars that support. I have to make time in our day to make these things happen, otherwise he is going to sizzle out of his ministry because he will slowly but surely run out of oxygen.
Being a ministry wife is so much more than stressing about the example I set for the teens at our church. It means that I am held to a higher standard even with my husband. I'm still learning how to support him better and make sure he has the air he needs. But I encourage you wives to join me on the journey even if you're not a ministry wife. Our men have so much to do, and sometimes the last thing they have energy for is leading us. We need to ensure they have what they need to be the men they've been called to be. And for the men reading this, I encourage you to think about this as well. You need YOUR air supply before leading your wives and children to Christ. You cannot effectively complete the arduous task set before you if you aren't linked up with Him 24/7. Ask your wife for help with this if you need to; that's what we're here for.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
End It
I'm not sure how many of you were aware, but today was the day to show support of End It. End It is a coalition that supports people stuck in slavery; whether that be human trafficking, forced labor, or boded labor. Today was the day to stand against it and say "no more."
As I have walked through my life post-Cambodia, things have been a lot different. I have seen things happening around me that aren't quite right, and have a stronger desire to participate in movements such as this one. I know that simply drawing a red X on my hand for one day in the yearnwon't solve any more issues than the act of sharing a page on Facebook. The real difference is made when people who were previously unaware are made aware. The real difference comes when the 23 students in my class show curiosity about the new body art or when other teachers ask what it's all about. When I'm given a platform to talk to others about real world, close to home issues...things slowly start to change.
One specific moment in Cambodia still sticks with me to this day: I remember sitting in a small room in Svay Pak talking casually with one of AIM's (Agape International Missions) lovely ladies. She was telling a few of us about her day, and it slowly turned into an educational session about sex exploitation. After quite some time of her telling us stories and fun facts (it's weird to call them "fun" facts, but they were so interesting and I can't think of a better term) she came to something that struck a cord with me. She said, "You know, about 60% of the men that come here to buy sex with children are Americans." I'll give you a minute to let that sink in.
Sunk?
Great.
Sixty percent. 60% of men that are buying children for sexual purposes and/or torture are coming from our back yard. They are our neighbors, relatives, coworkers, and business men. Friends, this is a wake up call! This cannot continue on our watch. We have real control over what is happening in places like Cambodia. If we stand together to say "NO MORE" eventually we're going to strike a cord. I remember Don Brewster putting it this way: "We could solve the issue of human trafficking TODAY if we really wanted to. You know how? We could just kill all the men." Obviously, that's not a plausible option. But in all reality, couldn't we just commit ourselves to educating them?
I took this challenge on one day in the most tangible way I knew how:
I wore this shirt all day and all night. I wore it to my nannying job, to the store, I think I even went to the bank...But the real kicker was when I got to volleyball open gym. I got onto this team with 5 grown men and myself, and played with them for about 4 months before the wedding. We got to know each other pretty well, and had a ton of fun playing the game we all loved so much. It was amazing how shocked everyone in the gym looked when I walked in sporting this shirt. Maybe I'm just un-observant, but it usually takes me a while to take in all the logos and punny lines on people's tee shirts. But it honestly felt like the whole gym hushed when I walked in wearing this. One of my teammates even said, "Well if that's not a punch in the gut, I don't know what is." It made people uncomfortable and it made them squirm. But that's exactly what it was meant to do. I wanted people to notice and recognize that what's happening around this world (and even in our own backyard) is not acceptable. I wanted them to ask questions and to be more aware. I think it's safe to say: mission accomplished.
Now it's time to continue this task. Even if you missed February 25, 2016 it's not too late to make a difference, and it's definitely not too late to check out these amazing sites to learn more about the issues. Click on the name of the organization you want to learn more about to be redirected to their home pages.
End It Movement
Agape International Missions
Together, we can end this. Join me.
Sunday, February 21, 2016
An Open Letter To My Students
Room 17 kiddos,
Hey babies! Mrs. Coburn here. I just wanted to write an official letter to you explaining some things that you might not understand yet.
1. You guys are so important to me. I studied so long and hard in college to do what I do. I stayed up late and woke up early. I read books and wrote reports. I want you guys to know that I don't come to school to teach you because I have to - I come to school to teach you because I want to. This is something that is important to me, and each and every one of you holds a special place in my heart.
2. I understand how difficult it is to see other children treated differently than you. So many of you have come to me in the past few months asking why there's a "special class for kids that are different." "Why can't they be in normal classes like ours?" Kids, you don't even know how special you all are. You have the desire to take care of everyone and see EQUITY and EQUALITY in this world. Don't ever lose that. Those students are in a different room so that they can be taken care of the very best way we know how. Their teachers love them all as much as I love you guys. The fact that you will share your PE time with them so that they feel included has made me laugh, cry, and burst with pride. You have all far exceeded my expectations. Never stop asking questions - that's what led you to your AMAZING solution!
4. Just because I'm an adult doesn't mean I have all the answers. You all know that I didn't really know how artificial lights work - I told you that before we started our unit about it! Sometimes you ask me questions that I don't know the answer to, and then we research it together. I will continue to be honest with you when I don't know something. I never want you to think that I know everything, and I especially never want you to expect someone else to know everything. We are all learning together. Always.
5. You all know that our number one rule is "Take care of each other." But the way I've seen you do that this year has blown my mind. I have a secret for you - I have NEVER seen a class so caring and loving as you 23 kids. You encourage the students who are having a bad day to turn it around so that I can call their parents with good news. You love on others who are crying or sad and try to understand what it is that would make them happy again. You have EMPATHY - when you see someone sad or angry about something you've experienced, you tell them your story and help them feel better. When someone falls down, I see you run to help them up and tell an adult they might need a band-aid or an ice pack.
6. Continue doing exactly what you're doing. You are sweet, loving, compassionate, understanding, empathetic, strong, hilarious, and energetic kids. Those are qualities you should carry with you for the rest of your lives. Don't forget about all of us teachers that believe in you and want the very best for you in all things. We will ALWAYS be here for you.
7. Kids, please know that I'm not perfect. Every day when I come to school, I tell myself exactly what I want to be that day. I want to be patient, kind, loving, understanding, calm, and organized. But come on...you all see me every day! I'm definitely not all of those things all of the time. But just like I tell you: I am not perfect. You are not perfect. But we can learn together to be better! Thank you for accepting that and allowing me the space to become a better teacher and human being.
8. DO YOUR BEST, FORGET THE REST. Always.
I love you guys. Thank you for changing my life.
~ Mrs. Coburn
PS - Keep dreaming up these bright ideas! ;-)
Hey babies! Mrs. Coburn here. I just wanted to write an official letter to you explaining some things that you might not understand yet.
1. You guys are so important to me. I studied so long and hard in college to do what I do. I stayed up late and woke up early. I read books and wrote reports. I want you guys to know that I don't come to school to teach you because I have to - I come to school to teach you because I want to. This is something that is important to me, and each and every one of you holds a special place in my heart.
2. I understand how difficult it is to see other children treated differently than you. So many of you have come to me in the past few months asking why there's a "special class for kids that are different." "Why can't they be in normal classes like ours?" Kids, you don't even know how special you all are. You have the desire to take care of everyone and see EQUITY and EQUALITY in this world. Don't ever lose that. Those students are in a different room so that they can be taken care of the very best way we know how. Their teachers love them all as much as I love you guys. The fact that you will share your PE time with them so that they feel included has made me laugh, cry, and burst with pride. You have all far exceeded my expectations. Never stop asking questions - that's what led you to your AMAZING solution!
4. Just because I'm an adult doesn't mean I have all the answers. You all know that I didn't really know how artificial lights work - I told you that before we started our unit about it! Sometimes you ask me questions that I don't know the answer to, and then we research it together. I will continue to be honest with you when I don't know something. I never want you to think that I know everything, and I especially never want you to expect someone else to know everything. We are all learning together. Always.
5. You all know that our number one rule is "Take care of each other." But the way I've seen you do that this year has blown my mind. I have a secret for you - I have NEVER seen a class so caring and loving as you 23 kids. You encourage the students who are having a bad day to turn it around so that I can call their parents with good news. You love on others who are crying or sad and try to understand what it is that would make them happy again. You have EMPATHY - when you see someone sad or angry about something you've experienced, you tell them your story and help them feel better. When someone falls down, I see you run to help them up and tell an adult they might need a band-aid or an ice pack.
6. Continue doing exactly what you're doing. You are sweet, loving, compassionate, understanding, empathetic, strong, hilarious, and energetic kids. Those are qualities you should carry with you for the rest of your lives. Don't forget about all of us teachers that believe in you and want the very best for you in all things. We will ALWAYS be here for you.
7. Kids, please know that I'm not perfect. Every day when I come to school, I tell myself exactly what I want to be that day. I want to be patient, kind, loving, understanding, calm, and organized. But come on...you all see me every day! I'm definitely not all of those things all of the time. But just like I tell you: I am not perfect. You are not perfect. But we can learn together to be better! Thank you for accepting that and allowing me the space to become a better teacher and human being.
8. DO YOUR BEST, FORGET THE REST. Always.
I love you guys. Thank you for changing my life.
~ Mrs. Coburn
PS - Keep dreaming up these bright ideas! ;-)
Friday, February 12, 2016
In N Out -n- NCU
It's hard to believe we graduated college almost 2 years ago! NCU was the place I got my fabulous education in education. It's the place that allowed me to represent them on the volleyball court for 4 years. And it's the place I met my husband. So being able to meet up with some of our favorite faculty members at In-N-Out today was a huge blessing.
Being able to re-connect with people we haven't seen in over a year was so amazing! It was like no time had passed at all. We could talk about campus life, current jobs, and people we all know. I guess that's the beauty of going to a small university: you never really get forgotten.
I know so many people that went to a larger university and once they graduated, they were done with the whole system. I'm not even sure that would be possible with NCU. I'm Facebook friends with a ton of my professors, I met my very best friends there, and every day I have a tough day at work I think back to the encouragement I got from Brian and Viv. It's hard to believe that almost 6 years ago I went to Eugene to try out and told my parents I would NEVER go there. The rain? Yuck. Only 700 students? Ew! Tiny dorms? No way. But now, 6 years later, I can't imagine my life without NCU as a part of it. Just the other day I emailed one of the staff members asking if they would send my students some t-shirts for College Gear Fridays. And wouldn't you know it, less than a week later there they were (in a chip box....true NCU style) in my classroom.
I may not be known by the current students. My volleyball career may not mean anything now. I may not have been the bright and shining student professors will be talking about 5 years from now. But NCU changed my life...and that's good enough for me.
It makes me think of the love God has for us. Sometimes it feels like we are SO far away from Him. I often think "Does He even remember I exist? It's been so long since I talked to Him." But God will never forget me. My cousin posted this photo the other day, and it hit me like a ton of bricks (in the best way possible)
NCU is a place where I still have friends. I still keep in touch with professors, friends, and faculty members. It will always hold a dear place in my heart. But the love God has for me far surpasses anything I could fathom. I can't fall out of communication with Him because it's not in His nature to let go. It's not his style to give up. And it's not my right to turn my back on the one who gave me life (and this amazing one at that).
Being able to re-connect with people we haven't seen in over a year was so amazing! It was like no time had passed at all. We could talk about campus life, current jobs, and people we all know. I guess that's the beauty of going to a small university: you never really get forgotten.
I know so many people that went to a larger university and once they graduated, they were done with the whole system. I'm not even sure that would be possible with NCU. I'm Facebook friends with a ton of my professors, I met my very best friends there, and every day I have a tough day at work I think back to the encouragement I got from Brian and Viv. It's hard to believe that almost 6 years ago I went to Eugene to try out and told my parents I would NEVER go there. The rain? Yuck. Only 700 students? Ew! Tiny dorms? No way. But now, 6 years later, I can't imagine my life without NCU as a part of it. Just the other day I emailed one of the staff members asking if they would send my students some t-shirts for College Gear Fridays. And wouldn't you know it, less than a week later there they were (in a chip box....true NCU style) in my classroom.
I may not be known by the current students. My volleyball career may not mean anything now. I may not have been the bright and shining student professors will be talking about 5 years from now. But NCU changed my life...and that's good enough for me.
It makes me think of the love God has for us. Sometimes it feels like we are SO far away from Him. I often think "Does He even remember I exist? It's been so long since I talked to Him." But God will never forget me. My cousin posted this photo the other day, and it hit me like a ton of bricks (in the best way possible)
NCU is a place where I still have friends. I still keep in touch with professors, friends, and faculty members. It will always hold a dear place in my heart. But the love God has for me far surpasses anything I could fathom. I can't fall out of communication with Him because it's not in His nature to let go. It's not his style to give up. And it's not my right to turn my back on the one who gave me life (and this amazing one at that).
Thursday, February 11, 2016
The adventures of Room 17
Well it's official. We're 5 1/2 months into the school year, and I'm almost through with my first year of teaching.
Let me start by saying this: I love teaching and I love first grade. Everything about it is a blessing from God. I have 23 little people in my care for 7 hours a day. I help them get set up to eat their breakfast in the mornings, I teach them all the skills they'll need to be successful in the future (or at least that's the goal!), and I hug them goodbye in the afternoons. I get to dry their tears and wipe the snot off their faces. Alright...so it's not all glamorous.
But teaching is a gift.
I remember this past summer when I first got the keys to my classroom and I would just sit in there and be still. I would thank God for giving me the opportunity to follow my passion and be a part of these kids educations. I put up posters and bulletin boards. I planned where they would put their work when they finished it and how I would deal with no name papers. I got a homework system figured out and thought up different ways I would communicate with parents throughout the year. But what's funny is I never really thought about the kids that would come through that space. I didn't think about the grueling IEP processes or the endless RTI meetings. I didn't think about what the geographic location of the school would mean. I honestly never thought about how I would take care of the kids' needs aside from the academic ones. So when I had my first day with the kids, I realized nothing would actually go the way I had planned. I had students flipping desks over and flipping each other off. Others would glue papers to their desks and slap their friends. And still others wouldn't use their voices at all; and still won't to this day. I realized very quickly that almost none of my "cookie cutter teacher things" were going to work here.
What was I going to do with these kids?
To this day I'm asking myself this question. Am I doing everything I can to support them? Am I taking good enough care? I'm trying to teach them how to read, and all they can focus on is where their next meal will come from. How can I expect them to focus on Ben and his dog named Duke when their mom is missing and they haven't had a home cooked meal in weeks? How can I expect them to respect others when they've never seen their role models show respect to anyone? How can I, in my Orange County-raised white skinned ignorance, try to understand them? I can't!
But what I can do is this: Look at them through the lens of Jesus. I can recognize that they are precious, intelligent, sweet children that need to be shown some love. I can hug them more and criticize them less. I can be more understanding and less demanding. I can value them more. Love them more. Appreciate them more. Laugh with them more.
So in the midst of all this thought, an interesting scenario took place: As we were walking back to class after lunch on this sunny Thursday afternoon, I observed my kids from the back of the line. Usually walking in line respectfully and quietly (yes...that's a humble brag!) they were off the wall crazy today. But instead of shouting out at them to "Straighten up! That's not a line...it's a blob!" I watched them...In their natural state. Joyfully skipping through the halls and talking to a friend. Grabbing the poles and swinging around them in order to catapult into the person walking in front of them. Tickling each other. And I thought: "They are a bunch of goofballs." But you know what? They're MY goofballs. And I wouldn't trade them for the world.
It's not much. Just a thought. But what could I do in the lives of these kids if I could take that thought and turn it into a new style of teaching? What could we accomplish in Room 17 if I stopped harping on reading levels and started doing emotional check-ins with each student? What kind of influence could I have in their life if I stopped worrying so much about their understanding of stupid number bonds and instead focused on how to make the learning tangible and useful?
So in the next weeks, months and years I hope to build on that thought: instead of looking at them only from the stance of an educator, what would happen if I let the lens of Jesus show me my students?
I love these goofballs, they're MY goofballs.
Let me start by saying this: I love teaching and I love first grade. Everything about it is a blessing from God. I have 23 little people in my care for 7 hours a day. I help them get set up to eat their breakfast in the mornings, I teach them all the skills they'll need to be successful in the future (or at least that's the goal!), and I hug them goodbye in the afternoons. I get to dry their tears and wipe the snot off their faces. Alright...so it's not all glamorous.
But teaching is a gift.
I remember this past summer when I first got the keys to my classroom and I would just sit in there and be still. I would thank God for giving me the opportunity to follow my passion and be a part of these kids educations. I put up posters and bulletin boards. I planned where they would put their work when they finished it and how I would deal with no name papers. I got a homework system figured out and thought up different ways I would communicate with parents throughout the year. But what's funny is I never really thought about the kids that would come through that space. I didn't think about the grueling IEP processes or the endless RTI meetings. I didn't think about what the geographic location of the school would mean. I honestly never thought about how I would take care of the kids' needs aside from the academic ones. So when I had my first day with the kids, I realized nothing would actually go the way I had planned. I had students flipping desks over and flipping each other off. Others would glue papers to their desks and slap their friends. And still others wouldn't use their voices at all; and still won't to this day. I realized very quickly that almost none of my "cookie cutter teacher things" were going to work here.
What was I going to do with these kids?
To this day I'm asking myself this question. Am I doing everything I can to support them? Am I taking good enough care? I'm trying to teach them how to read, and all they can focus on is where their next meal will come from. How can I expect them to focus on Ben and his dog named Duke when their mom is missing and they haven't had a home cooked meal in weeks? How can I expect them to respect others when they've never seen their role models show respect to anyone? How can I, in my Orange County-raised white skinned ignorance, try to understand them? I can't!
But what I can do is this: Look at them through the lens of Jesus. I can recognize that they are precious, intelligent, sweet children that need to be shown some love. I can hug them more and criticize them less. I can be more understanding and less demanding. I can value them more. Love them more. Appreciate them more. Laugh with them more.
So in the midst of all this thought, an interesting scenario took place: As we were walking back to class after lunch on this sunny Thursday afternoon, I observed my kids from the back of the line. Usually walking in line respectfully and quietly (yes...that's a humble brag!) they were off the wall crazy today. But instead of shouting out at them to "Straighten up! That's not a line...it's a blob!" I watched them...In their natural state. Joyfully skipping through the halls and talking to a friend. Grabbing the poles and swinging around them in order to catapult into the person walking in front of them. Tickling each other. And I thought: "They are a bunch of goofballs." But you know what? They're MY goofballs. And I wouldn't trade them for the world.
It's not much. Just a thought. But what could I do in the lives of these kids if I could take that thought and turn it into a new style of teaching? What could we accomplish in Room 17 if I stopped harping on reading levels and started doing emotional check-ins with each student? What kind of influence could I have in their life if I stopped worrying so much about their understanding of stupid number bonds and instead focused on how to make the learning tangible and useful?
So in the next weeks, months and years I hope to build on that thought: instead of looking at them only from the stance of an educator, what would happen if I let the lens of Jesus show me my students?
I love these goofballs, they're MY goofballs.
Thursday, December 4, 2014
Say What?!
Yesterday as I was driving home from work, I was wondering "Why am I nannying? I have a Bachelor of Arts. I was offered a position at a Christian organization that would have started a 401K for me. Why in the world did the doors open for NANNYING of all things?!" Of course, I wasn't about to voice these frustrations with anyone...how can I complain about my job when other people can't find work at all? Plus; I still get to be with kids! That's my passion....I just can't complain about that.
So as I let my frustrations fester in my head last night, I prayed about where this path was leading me. Why am I doing something I know I don't want to keep doing in the future? I guess God decided this was one of those times He would answer me almost immediately.
I wish you could have seen my face during the conversation I had with Ron (the father of the kids I nanny) when he got back to the house today. We sat down talking about the school districts I would be interested in working with after I move to San Diego. "Oceanside, Carlsbad, Del Mar, San Diego...." and on and on I rambled. When I looked up from my shoes (which I had been staring at, hoping they would give me an idea of more of the districts I had researched) I saw Ron just waiting to get a word in edge wise. He said "Well...I have a meeting with the Superintendent of the Carlsbad School District tomorrow. Why don't you email me a resume and I'll print it to take it with me. At least then your name is in the pile, and you have a foot in the door." SAY WHAT?! I must have looked like a bus hit me. That's how I felt! Seriously...he just comes home and brings up this conversation that leads to "Well why don't you just let me take all your information and personally tell the most important person in the school district about you?" Umm alright. Sure. No argument here!
I am always in awe of God, but this was an even bigger shock than usual. Not even 24 hours after I was questioning Him. Why God? Why am I here doing this job? I'm overqualified for this...I am capable of so much more than just taking care of 2 kids for a couple hours a day! He sure sliced me up a nice slice of humble pie, huh? I can just imagine Him shaking His head at me: "Have a little faith! Don't you know I'm working everything out for your good? That's a passage you've read a million times. Why haven't you taken it to heart yet?!"
Sometimes what we need is a nice slap in the face. A bold sign that we're not in control at all. God has things planned for us that are grander than anything we could imagine for ourselves. All we need is a little trust that God is way more powerful than we could ever be.
Romans 8:28 - And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
So as I let my frustrations fester in my head last night, I prayed about where this path was leading me. Why am I doing something I know I don't want to keep doing in the future? I guess God decided this was one of those times He would answer me almost immediately.
I wish you could have seen my face during the conversation I had with Ron (the father of the kids I nanny) when he got back to the house today. We sat down talking about the school districts I would be interested in working with after I move to San Diego. "Oceanside, Carlsbad, Del Mar, San Diego...." and on and on I rambled. When I looked up from my shoes (which I had been staring at, hoping they would give me an idea of more of the districts I had researched) I saw Ron just waiting to get a word in edge wise. He said "Well...I have a meeting with the Superintendent of the Carlsbad School District tomorrow. Why don't you email me a resume and I'll print it to take it with me. At least then your name is in the pile, and you have a foot in the door." SAY WHAT?! I must have looked like a bus hit me. That's how I felt! Seriously...he just comes home and brings up this conversation that leads to "Well why don't you just let me take all your information and personally tell the most important person in the school district about you?" Umm alright. Sure. No argument here!
I am always in awe of God, but this was an even bigger shock than usual. Not even 24 hours after I was questioning Him. Why God? Why am I here doing this job? I'm overqualified for this...I am capable of so much more than just taking care of 2 kids for a couple hours a day! He sure sliced me up a nice slice of humble pie, huh? I can just imagine Him shaking His head at me: "Have a little faith! Don't you know I'm working everything out for your good? That's a passage you've read a million times. Why haven't you taken it to heart yet?!"
Sometimes what we need is a nice slap in the face. A bold sign that we're not in control at all. God has things planned for us that are grander than anything we could imagine for ourselves. All we need is a little trust that God is way more powerful than we could ever be.
Romans 8:28 - And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
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